WHO WANTS TO BE DIFFERENT IN HIGH SCHOOL? I KNOW I DON’T. OR DIDN’T I GUESS. ITS HARD TO BELIEVE HIGH SCHOOL IS ALMOST OVER. NOW IM SITTING HERE WONDERING IF I DID IT RIGHT. I MEAN ITS HIGH SCHOOL, I REMEMBER WAITING TO STEP FOOT IN MY SCHOOL FOR THE FIRST TIME IN CALIFORNIA, SO EXCITED TO FINALLY BE A FRESHMAN. I FELT SO GROWN UP THEN. NOW I’M LOOKING BACK AND JUNIORS FEEL SO YOUNG TO ME. WHO AM I KIDDING? I STILL FEEL SO YOUNG. I AM OBJECTIVELY SO YOUNG. EVERYONE ASKS IF I’M READY TO BECOME AN ADULT, BUT NO ONE ASKS IF I WANT TO.

SORRY, I WENT ON A BIT OF A TANGENT THERE. ANYWAY, NO ONE CAN AVOID BEING DIFFERENT, ITS IMPOSSIBLE, AND IT WOULD BE AWFUL IF IT WAS POSSIBLE. WHAT MADE ME DIFFERENT?

I GUESS THE THING I ALWAYS IMMEDIATELY JUMP TO IS BEING DEAF IN MY RIGHT EAR. I COULD NEVER FIND MYSELF FITTING INTO EITHER GROUP, THE NORMAL ONES OR THE FULLY DEAF ONES.

ANOTHER THING WOULD BE MY SLEEP SCHEDULE. I RECENTLY WAS DIAGNOSED WITH SLEEP APNEA BECAUSE I BROKE MY NOSE AND IT NEVER SET RIGHT, SO I GOT SURGERY ON IT BUT I STILL HAVE APNEA. I GO TO BED AT 10 ONLY TO WAKE UP AT 7:30 ALREADY LATE FOR SCHOOL FIGURING “FIRST PERIOD DOESN’T REALLY MATTER, THAT WHY I MADE MY SCHEDULE THAT WAY” I WAKE UP AN HOUR LATER STILL EXHAUSTED SAYING “IT WONT MATTER TOO MUCH IF I MISS SECOND PERIOD RIGHT?” ONLY TO WAKE UP ANOTHER HOUR OR SO LATER AND THINK THAT THERES NO REASON TO DRIVE FROM OREM TO HIGHLAND FOR TWO CLASSES SO I MIGHT AS WELL JUST STAY HOME FROM SCHOOL. THATS HOW ITS BEEN THE LAST MONTH OR TWO, AND I STILL QUESTION WHY IM FAILING ALL OF MY CLASSES WITH ONE WEEK TO GO? ITS ALL MY FAULT IM NOT GOING TO GRADUATE, BUT WHO CARES SLEEP OS MORE IMPORTANT RIGHT? EXCEPT TO ME IT HAS TO BE, FOR EVERY EIGHT HOURS I SLEEP I GET THREE HOURS OF NORMAL SLEEP. WHY CAN’T I GO BACK, WHY CAN’T I BE NORMAL? I DON’T WANT TO BE UNIQUE ANYMORE, I WANT TO BE WHAT IVE NEVER BEEN.

IM DIFFERENT BECAUSE I SMILE TOO MUCH.